How I Overcame My Creative Block and Rediscovered My Magic in Art
Hitting the creative wall, struggling to make a “good” painting, feeling like I'm losing my magic: I know these are all normal experiences when going through the creative cycle. I have been here many times, feeling frustrated and like it will never end — remembering the moments when art was flowing freely and I loved everything I painted. Now I sit staring at my work, thinking, Who would buy this crap?!
My soul is dying for something new.
The new vision is still murky in my mind, but I know it is there and within grasp. I get on my computer and start making new sources, trying to push myself to new levels… trying to find anything different that will excite me. After several attempts, feeling completely defeated, I surrender to the intent: I'm just going to throw something on there that is completely not myself and see what happens.
I choose a moody looking meek goose and a profile of my daughter, Dafni, underwater with her hair floating all around her. I make it nighttime, with stars and dramatic lighting. I add some glowing fireflies and see a whole new vision. There is something about it I like, but also I doubt myself and think it looks too much like a Grimm fairytale. I feel compelled to paint it, although it is radically different than anything I have done before.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of My Creative Block
This is where the creative trauma begins. The moment I start the painting, it is a struggle. I feel like I am painting with two left feet. Every mark is off and every color is ugly. I make Dafni's face green every time and can't stop myself. I see my beautiful daughter turn into the Wicked Witch of the West right before my very eyes. I take a ton of breaks trying to shake it off.
I try painting on something else to find myself again. I face this one bad painting day after day, another after another, and I dread going into the studio. I am miserable and everyone knows it. It is like I had Creative PMS. I am cranky, emotional, moody, and unreasonable. This one painting affects everything about me. It feels like a week from hell.
No matter how many pep talks I give myself, no matter how many times I push through, I keep hitting the same wall. With everything in me, I want to quit. As I apply more ugly paint, I see the painting turn from bad to worse. I cry and throw things and have tantrums.
Sharing My Struggles and Finding Solace in the Support of Loved Ones
I realize my behavior is irrational and immature. I am being prideful and am making way too big of a deal of this painting. I can't move forward, I can't return backward. I am completely stuck with myself. Finally with nowhere to go, I beg God to kill whatever is inside of me that is keeping me from breakthrough. I tell God, “Just kill it, whatever it is. I don't care anymore, I don't want to hang on to anything.”
At dinner that night, I'm feeling really down and depressed. I tell my family what is going on. I am crying as I tell them how much I hate my painting and I know I am being a total baby and it's ridiculous but I can't help it. Somehow exposing it and sharing what I am going through, putting English words to it, all helps. That BIG, awful thing I am dealing with really has shrunk and seems so stupid. Even more stupid than I thought. I start to feel whatever it is loosing its grip over me and I feel myself moving forward.
Rising Above The Challenge: How Quiet Determination Fuels Resilience
The next day in the studio, I have a quiet determination to finish the painting no matter what — I don't care if I hate it. My single solitary goal is to just finish. I tell myself I am only hours away from the misery ending. I make myself add one final layer and I will be done.
As the last layer is added I see that the painting begins to beautify. The ugly witch turns into a princess. I still am not in love with the painting, but I finished, and it is acceptable. I can finally move on.
Small Wins Lead to Greater Momentum
I know I have to get to the next painting quickly or I will lose ground. I decide the next painting will not have a source; I will just paint intuitively and see what comes out. I begin layering color, spray paint, and inks without thinking. I concentrate on just thinking of nothing and living in the moment. I stay inside each mark, color, and swoosh of paint. I refuse to move into the future or go back to the past. I feel really free and full of energy. Painting is easy again. After a while, I stand back and look at the painting to see what it wants to be.
No matter how hard I try not to, all I can see is a pegasus. I see the wings and the form of the horse. I don't want to see a pegasus. I have judgments against fantasy art and a pegasus is the last thing I want to paint. But I can't shake the idea. So I commit to the mode of easy painting, being intuitive, and allowing the painting to become who she wants to be.
I let go.
Nurturing Inspiration and Unearthing My Creative Magic Within
I embrace my pegasus and start forming her. The painting comes out of me effortlessly and I enjoy every minute. I begin to envision stars in the sky as I work into the background. I begin to remember sitting in my dad's lap as a child and listening to his stories about pegasi. My father tells me every Greek mythology story he knows, multiple times, and I am lost in Poseidon's sea and Zeus's thunderclouds. I ride on the back of Pegasus and we soar over the shining sea and fly through the night sky as I run my fingers through the stars. My pegasus is faithful and knows me. Whenever I want to climb her back, she is there waiting for me.
Now I'm crying as I remember who I am and find that little girl who can be anything. I am great. I am a goddess. I am an Amazon. I am fierce and bold and can face any cyclops or sea monster. I have a destiny and purpose and all of heaven's creatures are on my side.
I know that the thing God had to kill in me was a fear of success. A fear of being too much or reaching too high. My painting unearthed my false identity. That lowly, unworthy soul — that poisoned me and made me look sick and green — had to die. The princess in me could now live out her fairytale. There will be conquests, redeeming the land, setting captives free, and overcoming giants. There will be trials and difficulties, but also great victories.
Most importantly, I am my best.
I am unafraid and I smile at the future.
Have you ever experienced a creative struggle that made you want to quit? What are some ways you cope with creative setbacks and reignite your creative magic?
I Was So Sure.
I’ve drawn portraits all my life. I am very familiar with them. So I was sure about this one, except that I tried it on a different surface.
Painting on a wooden surface is obviously different from painting on a canvas, but I didn’t concentrate on that.
My experience was like no other. My colors didn’t come out the way I wanted them to. The Portrait even looked stylized by the time I had formed it. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I was very uncomfortable. throughout the process. Nothing about this portrait felt like any of the previous one’s I’ve created. It felt like my hands were tied.
I’ve only destroyed a few painting in my lifetime, but I’m learning that it doesn’t make sense to form that sort of decision in the heat of the moment.
I regret it!
A few days later, I kind of like that painting. It was different. Most importantly it was mine. I even feel an affinity with it, but it no longer exists.
It wasn’t even totally finished. I must remind myself to wait at least two days before making such a big decision from now on. It feels like I destroyed a piece of me. Now I’m liking my wounds.
I wish your story had come to my attention a day prior, because eventually I destroyed it.
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Elli Milan Art replied:
Don’t worry. Just move past it and start another painting. The next time you get stuck, you will push through and have a breakthrough.
Jesus Christ, the so called ugly painting (the one with the goose) gives me Odilon Redon vibes, ( a french master!!). I think you are at a point that you have achieved so much that you start to beat yourself!!
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Elli Milan Art replied:
😊thank you. That’s very nice to say. I think it was internal resistance so we see things skewed.
I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which makes it difficult to use my hands, wrists, and shoulders, and leaves me exhausted. Some days, no matter how hard I try to push myself, I simply can’t paint. I cry. I get angry. I feel stifled. I want to creative inspiring, uplifting things but it’s hard when my body is fighting against me. Then I find something I can do. I create sources or set up my canvas so it’s ready to go when I can paint. Sometimes, I paint backgrounds or at least part of it with things I can hold. The frustration is still there. The loss of momentum is a battle. But I keep fighting to create anyway I can. Even if it’s only for 20 minutes sometimes. You do what you have to do when creativity is in your blood.
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Elli Milan Art replied:
Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that. How frustrating that must be. I admire your perseverance.
I have struggled with this for about six months, giving up what I or others may think of my paintings and my WHY I paint has helped me keep going. Art makes me feel alive and uplifted even though I don’t know what I’m doing and keep painting terrible painting after the other. I am still working through your program the hardest part is getting to know myself.
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Elli Milan Art replied:
Yes. Discovering your why is so important.
Yes, in fact very recently crawled out of a funk while I am in the Mastery Program. A renovation move to the basement last June halted my goals in their tracks and an art critique (not from your program) had me thinking why would I paint what I am painting? They won’t sell. Thanks to the encouraging crew with your program I climbed out of the boxes 📦 slowly and rebuilt a garden shed studio and it still it took me a couple weeks to actually paint. I started by getting back to the basics playing with my first love charcoal and some water soluble graphite. I painted a few cards and then completed my first 5×7 graphite commission. A small cat memorial helped me to remember why I was doing this. It was because I need to. I have to. I get to and God keeps encouraging me to paint angels. Why? I don’t know yet but has certainly brought me closer to Him.
Thank you Ellie as it was refreshing to hear that we all could go thru these fears. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel this way and realized that painting is what helps me to get out of it.
Loving your program and praying 🙏🏼 to graduate 2026 and get to meet you personally. You have been such a valuable mentor from a far.
Hugs 🤗
Lisa Reid
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Elli Milan Art replied:
Wow!! You persevered! Art heals us and anchors us to God. It’s so powerful!
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