The Hidden Struggle Every Artist Faces—And the Best Way to Overcome It
I’m sitting here stuck, like I have been for days. I try to get some words on a page and just can't do it. I have a blog-writing formula I learned from Mathew Dicks and his book Storyworthy.
I have a whole list of stories from my life written down, and I run through them until one grabs me and inspires me. I think about the story. I put myself there. I relive the story. I smell it all. Touch it all. Visualize everything. Then I think of the five-second moment. What was that moment of transformation? Where did my thoughts shift or revelation come? How am I different at the end of the story than the beginning?
Once I have my five-second moment, as Mathew calls it, then I build backwards. I implement everything I learned about storytelling and run backwards through the story to the beginning. I have to find a logical beginning that is as close as possible to the five-second moment without losing context or being confusing.
If I start my story too soon, then I end up rambling for paragraphs, and the story turns out weak. I have to choose a beginning that tells enough of the story, but not too much. That beginning should have forward movement. It should grab your attention.
This beginning doesn’t have forward movement. It begins with me being stuck. The whole last paragraph is movement-less backstory of how I craft a story.
A good beginning should be the opposite of the five-second moment. If the story ends with me forgiving my father, it should start with me being angry with my father. This is how the story gets an arc. Since this story begins with me being stuck, I suppose the ending might have something to do with me being unstuck…That’s shameless foreshadowing!
When the Well Runs Dry
How did I get stuck? Well, as per usual, I looked through my list of stories on Sunday, when I usually write my blog. It's due on Monday so that there is time to edit, add photos, format, construct an email, and get it out, all through my amazing marketing assistant Marissa. Tuesday morning is my drop-dead last chance. I can't ever get it to her past about 10am.
Sunday nothing strikes me. None of my stories inspire me. I find absolutely nothing I want to write about. Monday I try again, and nothing. My list is boring, boring, boring! The familiar panic of getting stuck strikes. All Monday, I am in and out of praying and scouring my life for something I want to write about. I get NOTHING!
Monday night, I start to rationalize: “I don't really have to write anything this week. I am human; I can take a week off. No one will actually care.”
Then I get a message that night from an artist who writes to me, “I am so grateful for your blog. I was stuck in my own writing, but when I read your blog last week, something happened, and I got inspired to write. I wrote out a whole story about my dad and posted it, and now he has written me a long letter apologizing. Thank you!”
Ugh! If I let resistance win this week, it could win next week, and then the next. Then resistance becomes my master. Then I’m a huge hypocrite, and I can't tell artists to not let resistance beat them. This is getting awful! I’m twisted into a knot. Responsible. Guilty. Stuck. I want to throw in the towel, but I can't!
I wake up this morning, Tuesday, final deadline morning, with new resolve. It 5am, and I’m about to go to Pilates. I have 10 minutes to decide on a blog idea. Once I decide and have my five-second moment, the blog is as good as written.
I sit at the kitchen table where many a revelation has taken place in the past, send up a quick prayer acknowledging I need God, and think, “What do I really want to tell artists right now? What is my number one message on my heart? If I could pour into artists’ brains any information that could change their life, what would it be?”
BOOM! I’ve got it. I know exactly what I want to say.
Every Artist's Deepest Fear
I want to share what I have struggled with most as an artist and how I got through that struggle. Simple. I think it is a struggle everyone has. Out of all the artists I know and have had a relationship with, I can't think of a single one who doesn’t horrifically struggle with this. But with everything in me, I can't come up with a story that illustrates it.
It has been a reoccurring story. It is a struggle that has shown its face again and again. There are too many stories to tell. There isn't a beginning. The struggle has no origin. My five-second moment happened this morning at the kitchen table when I realized what was the overcoming or solution to this struggle every artist has. My beginning starts as close as possible to the five-second moment without losing any story. The beginning is me being stuck and not knowing what to write about. So here we are.
What is the struggle? What have I struggled with the very most as an artist? Ready?
“No one likes my art!” Sometimes even me!
No one likes my art. No one WILL like my art. I won't be able to sell it. It's not original enough. It looks cheesy. It’s boring. It's too dark. It's too tight. What's the point of even painting it? No one wants it. Everyone loves John’s art. Dimitra is admired by the whole world, and EVERYONE wants HER art. But not mine.
Is this even true? Not really. I have sold over 10,000 pieces of art. Someone has liked it. I have sold almost all of the last 20 pieces I have created. Strangers off the street who don’t know me walk into our gallery and buy my art. So, logically, it is not true. So why has this thought, this struggle, plagued me my whole career? Why does it still terrorize me sometimes?
The Universal Lie
I truly think this is at the very heart and base of every single artist, no matter where they are in their journey. If you are at the beginning, you think, “No one likes my art, and even if I improve they probably still won't.”
If you are midway through your journey, even after successes, you think, “Those sold paintings were flukes,” or, “I had a nice run, but now I have lost it, and no one likes my work.”
Every setback or discouragement I have ever faced grinds into the deep, sore wound: “You didn't get into that show because no one likes your art. You had a show and no one bought anything because no one likes your art. You were passed over for that opportunity because no one likes your art.” Why, after 30 years, is this still a struggle?
I asked John this morning what he struggles with the most as an artist. He said, “To stay focused and get to work. To start pieces and finish them without getting distracted.” I asked him if he had ten commissions, each paying $7,000, would he struggle with productivity and focus? He said, “No.”
So I asked him, “What do you think is behind your lack of focus? Are you worried no one will like your art?” He said, “NO way! I like my art. I’m just trying to balance what I like to paint and what I think other people will like to have.”
“So then, you are worried about people liking your art! That’s what keeps you out of the studio!”
“Yeah, I guess that's true,” he said.
Whether it is perfectionism, control, motivation, new ideas, finishing artwork, acquiring the right skills, showing our work to people, or building a website—at the very heart of the matter is that we are worried that people won’t like our art. This is at the heart of every problem an artist has. It is what stops us.
We want others to like our art. It is the ultimate form of acceptance. Our big dream is on the line. Everything we have ever hoped for is at stake. We have invested countless hours behind the brush, spent fortunes on supplies, easels, and art classes. We have told our families and close friends that we want to be artists and show our work in galleries and participate in the art world in one form or another.
This dream isn't private. It is public. Facing the public humiliation of no one liking our creations, our heart’s vision, our whole life story on a canvas, is too much to bear. It is easier to allow ourselves to be distracted or hide. If we don't throw everything we have into it, if we don’t fully try, then it hurts much less when no one likes our art.
Dispelling the Darkness
For successful artists, who do try with everything they have, who stay focused and in a habit of completing art, who are growing and selling their work, it is incredibly difficult to admit that we still worry that people don't like our art. We should be past this. There must be something wrong with us if after all these sales, we still feel afraid that people don't like our art.
I still compare myself to other artists and feel less than. Other artists and collectors look up to me and see me as someone who has arrived. How can I admit the complete stupidity that I still worry that people don't like my art?
So, I admitted it to you. You probably think I am super confident and don't have insecurities or issues with my art. You see the finished piece or the “Sold” signs and think you are alone in your worries that no one likes your art.
Now you see I struggle with the exact same thing you struggle with. Not only me, but every single artist alive. Picasso struggled with this. Rembrandt worried about whether anyone would like his art. Frida Kahlo was utterly convinced no one liked hers. The most beloved artist of all time, Vincent Van Gogh, was completely tortured with the notion that no one liked his art. YOU are not alone.
The best way to take away power from what is dark is to expose it to the light. The second we admit a hidden, shameful thought, it loses its power. It no longer has a grip. The lie is seen for what it is: A LIE. I admit, I expose, I shine light on my dark, hidden thought. I am afraid that no one likes my art.
Done. Exposed. Brought to light. No power over me. It’s all a lie.
Many people love my art. Many people love your art, and even more WILL love the art you create in the future.
It’s now 8:33am Tuesday morning. It's an hour and half before my final deadline for Marissa to get this to your email inbox. I was stuck and unable to tell you a story from my life because I was supposed to write this. I was supposed to expose the dark lie EVERY artist believes. I was supposed to tell you that you are not alone in your struggle. We all share that struggle.
But after today, the lie has lost its power over you. Your excuses will end. Your moments of doubt will weaken. You will remember it's just a lie and the truth is that MANY PEOPLE LOVE YOUR ART!
What would you create if you knew your art would be loved and appreciated?
We all seek validation. Where do we look for validation? Sales, critiques, kind words? The moment we seek for validation from anything other than God, we set ourselves up for a fall. I recently set up my first art studio gallery in one half of a duplex apartment building that I own. I am retired. I have been creating beautiful art for 10 years. At every show, the most common comment I received from people was, “Your art is so beautiful!” Then they would walk away without buying even so much as a $4 note card. I spent a long time in God’s waiting room, waiting for my dream to come true, to finally have an art studio gallery of my own, where I can sell my art. Since it has opened, I have had some nice sales – for me. But I still felt empty. I discovered that if I seek validation from anyone or anything than God, it means nothing. So I create with Him, through Him, and for Him.
Elli, sometimes I feel like you are talking straight to me. I love how honest and humble you are and I love your heart! Thank you for your blog and your great program! I am just about to go into section 3 and have learned so much! I was wondering if you can recommend an art projector? I think I want one and am not sure what features it should have.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Carol
———
Elli Milan Art replied:
Thank you carol! 😊 I have an Artograph brand but honestly any projector will work. The more the lumens the lighter your room can be while projecting. Also google “best digital projectors for artists”. I haven’t researched it in a while.
I Love that you shared this about yourself. For me, it removes &/or lessens the fears, anxieties and feelings of being singled out. I’m certainly one that is very critical of myself. Overtime I’m learning more & more that those thoughts are not true. I’m learning what I need to do for myself to recognize that I’m doing it and the pattern is unfolding, revealing itself. I’m learning that there’s Great POWER in Art because in my life, it’s one of the things that the enemy attacks me on consistently which brings the awareness of “The Power of ArT” to me. Since I’ve overcome other areas of my life, the enemy attempts, and many times succeeds, at creating barriers between me & my art and he uses various entry points to overcome, to catch me off guard.
The enemy would attack my mindset before I even got started which created high levels of anxiety, driving up my fears of failure and second guessing myself to a point that I over thought each piece. I’d become stuck on perfectionism while somehow relating my artistic dissatisfaction with my childhood abandonment issues of “not being good enough.” However, I’m one that recognizes patterns although it may take me some time and through that and my weekly meets with Elli who would seemingly always know what to say & how to walk me through it, I begun to rise to the occasion. But, before that, my mindset would become so disheveled that I wanted to give up. I felt embarrassed & uncomfortable to meet with Elli, someone so Great, so successful, so inspiring… someone that I’ve looked up to for almost a decade. I’ve dreamed of this moment in time never believing I’d ever reach this point and now I’m here blowing it. My mindset worsened with that belief that I was blowing my chances. I was wasting her precious time. She’s probably thinking (and dreading) meeting with me and I was sure that I must be the Absolute WORSE student she would have to mentor, so bad that her future mentorship would turn into interviewing students first before accepting another so that she knew what she was getting herself into. Who would accept this challenge I was dishing? I couldn’t tell her that, but now it’s said & done! I wanted it to end. I wanted her to tell me that she could no longer work with me & let me “off the hook” of my increasing anxieties. I forgot all my tools that I already had instilled within. I was on a downhill spiral with no sense of return. I can’t possibly be mentored. I knew this would happen. But then she said it, “That’s not what this is. That’s not why I’m here. I’m not here to criticize you and tell you yay, you did a good job, no you didn’t do a good job. I’m here to guide you in your journey. I’m here for all the things.” She did/ does just that!!
After that evening, I begun to feel less embarrassed, more accepted, after all she’s seen me at my lowest, what’s left? I didn’t break the ice, I melted it into it’s own paint palette 🎨 🤷🏽♀️
I begun to recognize when my negative thoughts would start so I followed Elli’s lead & learned to stop it before it starts by setting the tone in my studio that I wanted to be in whether I was already there or not. I would turn on music to “pre” drown out any thoughts that may arise when I’m painting and to also take control of my environment, distracting my thoughts & commanding MY studio to serve me. The more I did this, the more I stayed in control and defeated the enemy from slithering his way into the scene. I won, 🙌🏽 I see the trick now. I’ve taken back my power & regained my strength & I was getting back on point until…
Here he comes again, disguising himself through another outlet. ‘If I command her time, that will keep her away from doing what she Loves. That will weaken her spirit. That will give me an entry point & time to go ’to & fro.’ I can achieve this by going through the people she talks to, the people she Loves. And just like that, I was blind sided again, distracted by helping others, distracted by piling tasks, becoming weaker as my days filled with a time & energy sucking to-do list with nothing to refuel or restore me. Back to days filled with tears. Back to hopelessness. Back to having to face Elli with no progress. She is gonna think I’m crazy & just full of excuses at this point. I’ll tell her I can’t meet with her because I haven’t completed my assignment. Good, now I’m “Off the hook” & don’t have to face her again with this but, unexpectedly, she says, “Let’s just meet.” Wait, what?? She wasn’t suppose to say that! My heart begun pounding out of my chest. I couldn’t breathe. She just wants to see if I’m being truthful or not, I thought. I should just not show up but then I’d really be disappointing her. Maybe she’ll tell me she’s had enough of me & I won’t have any more embarrassment from all of this. I’ll meet. So we meet but she tells me the opposite, “These are the things I need to know so I can help you. Keep me in the loop of what’s going on with you. Message me anytime. I’m here to help not just with your art but with all of it.” OK… either she’s crazy or a Saint! Why would she WILLINGLY put herself through all of this? Why does she care so much? Why would she want to REPEATEDLY deal with me unraveling time & time again?
Because, that’s part of the process! That’s part of Her process to help others. That’s who she is! Her boldness in her compassion, her empathy, her encouragement, her honesty was My Restoration; my path to defeat the enemy once again; my directions to walk my journey; my permission to get up & go again with no shame, guilt or defeat. I finally felt like I could do this. I no longer cared what anyone else thought of me, my art or how I chose to express myself openly and tell my stories. It’s MY journey & I believe God sends angels to help guide us in it. Elli is that angel willing to deliver God’s divine messages to me and no doubt, others, time & time again.
The act from one sends a ripple effect to others.
Elli’s commitment and dedication emits a rainbow 🌈. I believe that when we create we all have these negative thoughts arise because ART IS POWERFUL! At that time our focus may lie on a single, or collective pieces of ArT that we create as “Not being good enough,” but it can also make us feel that we, too, aren’t “good enough” so that we quit. I believe these thoughts & forces occur to Stop our powerful, intimate moments of Strength, Love & encouragement between one another. In turn, when we show up and support one another it Restores us, reignites us and propels us to that next level and our creation of art touches the soul of another sending that ripple effect to them by restoring their soul. Then the restored person may talk about it to the next person which heals them in some way & then that person passes on these blessings and experiences to the next sharing in this “give & take,” “Restoration & Reigniting” of the spirit. It’s a big deal because this process quickly spreads like a wildfire or a virus. It holds the key & ability to heal the masses and the recipe to end it all begins with our belief that, “Nobody’s gonna like your ArT.”
———
Elli Milan Art replied:
Tosha. This is so honest and courageous! You are a fantastic artist and so creative! Your art will change the world. That’s why your life has been such a battle. Also filled with many kisses from heaven. And you were given an amazing grandma. Love you and excited for all you will do with your art.
Dear Elli,
Another wonderful blog entry!
Just the other morning, I was talking with my daughter about how hard it can be to get myself into the studio—even though I love being there once I start. I’ve been thinking maybe my work ethic is just off… that I’m too easily distracted or undisciplined. I didn’t think I was the only one struggling, but I did wonder if something was wrong with me—like maybe I just didn’t have the drive that other artists seem to have.
Then I read your blog, and there it was—that hidden fear at the root of it all: What if no one likes my art?
You named something I hadn’t quite realized was playing such a big role. That lie has been lurking under the surface, dressed up as procrastination, self-doubt, or distraction. And when I read your words, I felt such a deep “yes.” That’s it. That’s why it’s so hard to walk into the studio some days. Not because I’m lazy or flaky—but because I care so deeply. Because it matters so much.
And your honesty? It cracked something open in me.
Knowing that you—someone so accomplished, whose work inspires so many—still hear that old voice too… it takes the sting out of it. It makes it easier to name the fear and not let it rule the day. You reminded me that this fear doesn’t mean I’m broken—it just means I’m human.
So thank you. Thank you for writing the real blog this week. For telling the truth. For saying what so many of us feel but rarely say out loud.
I’m heading back into my studio this afternoon—not to prove anything or be “productive,” but because I belong there. And that’s enough.
With gratitude
Christine
Thank you for sharing this, it’s so helpful, so appreciated!🌸
Leave a comment